By Sarah Card

Reminisce with me for a moment, back to that magical time in your life – around 18 years old. You likely had just graduated from high school, preparing to embark on a new and unknown chapter in your life, facing the reality of moving one step closer to the future you had spent your childhood dreaming of. That intoxicating cocktail of excitement, fear and naïveté as you prepared to dip one toe, or maybe even cannonball, into true independence. Recall what independence meant to you. Was it the autonomy of moving away from home, becoming self-sufficient, or the sovereignty to make your own decisions? Or perhaps, like many at this critical juncture of life, you found yourself draped in others’ expectations of who you should become.

This is where Betty Ford, born Elizabeth Ann Bloomer, found herself in 1926 in her small hometown of Grand Rapids, Michigan. She had graduated high school and with stars in her eyes, she was determined to escape to the big city of New York and pursue her dream of becoming a professional dancer. Unfortunately, as the story goes for many of us, life’s obstacles, detours, setbacks, and the expectations of others had something else in store for her.

Recently, I’ve been studying some of the women I admire, one of which is former first lady, Betty Ford. In my exploration of her life, having given up her dreams and been thrown into a role she never expected, I’ve discovered synchronicities to my own life, and lessons I can apply as I continue to uncover the real me.

Lesson 1: Listen to Your Own Voice and Expectations
After years of working to save money to move to New York and attend dance school with her mentor, Betty Ford made her dream come true. At the age of 20, she found herself living in the exact picture of the life she had created in her mind as a child. She was thriving in her new world in the big city, doing what she loved, accepting the sacrifices required to live out her passion and her calling. Then her mother came to visit. After experiencing the big city for two weeks, her mother became scared for Betty’s safety and unstable career choice and ultimately coerced her to move back to Grand Rapids for 6 months, just to make certain New York and dance was really the life she wanted. Under the pressure and weighty expectations of someone she loved and respected, Betty did exactly as her mother suggested, ultimately abandoning the dream life she had always pictured. She left New York and settled back into the mundane small town, predictable life, setting her on a course of chaos, uncertainty and questionable decisions. In her autobiography, she reflected on this pivotal moment in her life stating, “If I’d been a genius, I couldn’t have been swayed [to leave New York], but I wasn’t a genius.”

As I begin to rediscover my own true calling and reignite my passions, Betty’s regrets resonate with me. As a young adult, I abandoned my dreams of becoming a performer to slip into a role I felt was my only option, to take the expected, familiar, comfortable, practical path. I kept convincing myself it was temporary. I could always return to the pursuit of my dreams, but the longer time went on, the further out of reach those dreams became as I fell into the new “normal” of my life. This is where Betty found herself after returning to Grand Rapids. She found small ways to stay connected to her dream of dancing, teaching classes and finding opportunities to perform, but the more time passed the more she settled into the comfortable, mundane, and expected role she was told she should play as a wife and mother. Sound familiar? Unfortunately, the answer is likely a resounding “Yes!”

It’s so difficult not to be swayed by the opinions of others, particularly the well intentioned people closest to you, and especially when we are young and impressionable. As I step into my true calling and get reacquainted with the real me, I’m keenly aware there will be unpopular decisions and unconventional directions I will need to take along the path. As I heal, the cost may be some of the relationships I built in my brokenness. Like Betty’s mother, there will be those that will question the direction I’m moving because it will make them uncomfortable. They are familiar with the version of me that was constantly shrinking, people pleasing to keep the peace, making sure not to create waves and dimming my sparkle to make others comfortable. But the real me is an earth shaker, a ray of light meant to expose the darkness and call others to discover their own light. The impact God has called me to make must outweigh any thoughts, expectations or opinions that pull me in a different direction, and the same goes for you – no matter how terrifying that may feel.

Lesson 2: Embrace Unexpected Opportunities to Live Your Purpose
Upon marrying her husband, Gerald Ford, Betty knew she was settling into the life of politician’s wife. Gerald’s ultimate career goal was to become the senate majority leader, allowing her to play the quiet and inconspicuous role she preferred as a supportive wife and mother of their children. However, that all changed in an instant when President Nixon selected her husband to be the Vice President midway through a term when the acting VP was forced to resign. Overnight, Betty became a famous face, the wife of the Vice President of the United States. But it didn’t end there. Just eight months later, as she was beginning to settle into her new role, President Nixon resigned and Betty now found herself in the daunting role of First Lady, front and center in the limelight of the entire world. Imagine the fear and uncertainty she must have experienced that year.
In this unanticipated, and not necessarily welcomed position, Betty embraced it. In this most unexpected way, she found herself presented with an opportunity to reconnect with her calling. She found her voice and she began to rediscover her passion to perform. Although it wasn’t dancing, she was able to captivate an audience in a way that was even more impactful.

One of the most impactful things Tim Storey has said to me in my life coaching is “The real you will begin to make demands on the you you’ve become.” This was the case with Betty. Her calling was presenting a new opportunity for her to pursue it, even though it didn’t look anything like what she may have expected. As I begin to move towards the me I want to become, it’s a reminder to be open to opportunities that present themselves, even if they aren’t obvious or don’t look the way I may have imagined. It will require stepping out of my comfort zone and being willing to do things differently than I have in the past. I have to choose to answer the calling, to be brave and get comfortable being uncomfortable in order to grow and become who I was created to be.

Lesson 3: Fearlessly Embody Your Vulnerability and Authenticity
Shortly after taking office, Betty was diagnosed with breast cancer. In the 1960’s, health issues were considered a private matter, but Betty made the bold choice to use her platform to change that. She made herself vulnerable and spoke about what she was going through on the world stage. The impact was tremendous, raising awareness of the disease and saving thousands of lives as women began to get screenings. Betty remained courageous in her role, speaking out on controversial issues such as abortion and women’s rights, even when her views went against her party’s traditional line. She was authentically herself, earning the trust and admiration of the public, even those who didn’t agree with her views. America fell in love with her, even though she really didn’t care whether they loved her or not.

As Betty demonstrated, it is our vulnerability and authenticity that allow us to connect to others. It is what makes us human. Our stories matter and it’s a reminder to me of my duty, my obligation, to share my story. As Genesis 50:20 states, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” Our imperfections are what connect us. What I’ve experienced in my life isn’t unique to me, just as there are overlaps between my life and Betty Ford’s life, even though we are generations removed from each other. If there is a chance my story can make an impact on just one other person, it would be selfish to keep it to myself.

As I continue to uncover Sarah, studying and learning from the lives of those who have gone before me is so important. There are lessons to learn from others who have walked the path I’m pursuing, as well as from those who have chosen not to pursue it. Ask yourself, who do you admire and why, and take the time to reflect on the answers. It just may be the key to your own uncovering.